Swap Meet Tribes
By John Plow
Courtesy of Ultra VW Magazine
Without a doubt, my favourite thing to do when attending a VW event is to head straight to the swap meet. I find I get “the shakes” if I’m at an event longer than 5 minutes before heading over to scour countless swap vendors for treasure. Although the Internet has fed this addiction on a more consistent basis, simply due to the countless 24-hour online swap meets that are accessible from the comfort of my own home, nothing beats walking row after row of vendors in search of that much-needed part or the elusive “score.” There is something about the tactile experience of holding a part in your hand and evaluating it, bartering face-to-face with the seller, and walking away with it (if you’ve been successful) versus waiting for weeks for a part to arrive via mail. Instant gratification is a beautiful thing.
After almost 20 years of greasy hands and sleep deprived, 5:00 AM swap meet mornings, I’ve noted that you typically get 3 types of sellers at a swap meet, each with their own unique set of behaviours:
The “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” Tribe
Members of this tribe typically show up in a weathered but solid Type II. Knowledgeable, and usually in their 30’s or 40’s, they have been around the VW scene for awhile, and are only interested in incredibly rare and expensive parts. They are often dressed in jeans, collared short-sleeve shirts and hats. They set-up and protect their carefully organised, valuable parts in wooden framed boxes, protected from enemy tribes with mesh screening. You are not welcome to pick up any part to examine it.
As hard as it is to believe, all of their parts are NOS (New Old Stock), even the ones that have been used and restored. Members of this tribe have an apparent aversion to numbers, as none of the parts have prices on them. When you ask, “how much?” You are greeted with an arrogant, glib response, “make an offer.” In the rare occasion when they actually do provide a number, it is 4-5 times the current market value of that part. Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell tribal members don’t like to engage in small talk, have no friends, rarely sell anything, and have genuine contempt for those who frequent swap meets. One wonders why they attend to begin with?
The “Dump and Leave It” Tribe
Members of this tribe typically show up in beat-up, non-VW vehicles. They’ve “dabbled” in VWs for a few years and have a fondness for used parts that are well beyond their realistic service life. They have only a passing mechanical knowledge, are in their 20’s, and are on their way out of the VW scene after breaking every part possible on their project car (so named because it they never came close to finishing it). They usually arrive in pairs and have a basic aversion to hygiene (their tribal dress consisting of greasy jeans, t-shirts, faces and hair).
Unlike Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell tribal members, who are fond of neatly organised, immaculate parts, members of the Dump and Leave It tribe typically dump a pile of used-up, greasy parts on a blue plastic tarp on the ground. Rest assured that every greasy part in the pile is beyond returning to service. While examining a rusty piston and cylinder set that has been sitting in their backyard for years, marinating in a combination of water, urine, mud and beer, you’ll often hear them say, “Ah, them peestons and jugs is fine – you jus’ need ta clean ‘em up.”
Members of this tribe are easily identified at the end of the day, as they will simply leave the pile of parts they don’t sell on the ground and drive away. They will, however, take the most valuable thing they brought, the $5 blue tarp.
The “Knowitall” Tribe
Perhaps the most dangerous of all tribes, members of this tribe also show up in non-VW vehicles, primarily owing to their inability to keep anything running for more than 5 minutes. Members of the Knowitall tribe are typically in their late ‘50s, balding, and have a fondness for black socks. Their t-shirts, with multi-coloured graphics, match their too-short shorts perfectly, highlighting their beer guts. They are usually male, accompanied by their wives and a small dog.
Similar to the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell tribe, members of this tribe have been around the VW scene for a long time. Unlike members of the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell tribe, however, they don’t seem to have learned a thing, and are dangerously unaware of how ignorant they are. The wild call of this tribe is often overheard across the swap meet as follows: “Oh yeah, that’ll fit your ’62, no problem – it’ll work like charm!” Despite the fact that there is no way the part will work like a charm, as it wont fit a ’62, and it will definitely be a problem. Conscientious bystanders are often seen quietly advising the potential buyer that the Knowitall tribal member’s advice is completely wrong.
While caveat emptor certainly applies at swap meets, I’ve yet to attended a swap meet that I didn’t enjoy. Even in those rare circumstances where I’ve returned with cash in my pocket, observing the “dance” of tribal warfare is always entertaining, and could provide a budding PhD student with enough material to write one hell of a thesis in sociology!
