1. When you are sad, I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
2. When you are blue, I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile, I will know you finally got laid.
4. When you are scared, I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you stop whining.
6. When you are confused, I will use small, simple words.
7. When you are sick, stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I do NOT want whatever you have.
8. When you trip and fall, I will point and hysterically laugh at your clumsy ass.
9. This is my oath..... I pledge it to the end. "Why ?" you may ask, "Because you are my friend ".
And always remember, A good friend will help you move. A REALLY good friend will help you move a body.
Let me know if you ever need me to bring a shovel.
